I am grieving
Loss of a pet
A small body, a whole love.
The grief of losing a pet is real grief, and it is often huge. They were a daily presence, an uncomplicated love, a witness to your private life. The world does not always make space for this loss. We do.
Why this grief is its own particular shape
Pet grief is often minimised, 'it was just a dog', 'you can get another cat'. This is a misunderstanding of what an animal is in a life. They were companion, ritual, comfort. Their absence is a specific and steady ache.
What you may be feeling
- An emptiness at the times you used to greet them, feed them, walk them
- Guilt about the decisions at the end, even when they were right
- Surprise at the size of the grief, sometimes larger than for human losses
- Hesitation about another animal, in either direction
They were family. The love does not need to be measured against any other love.
Home for grief
When you are ready
There is nothing you must do, and no order to do it in. These are only offered, for whenever they feel possible.
Speak their name.
Tell the stories, keep a photo out, remember the small daily rituals that were theirs. Saying them aloud keeps the bond alive rather than closing it.
Let the guilt soften.
If you made a decision at the end, you made it out of love, even if it does not feel that way now. You did your best with what you knew. They knew they were loved.
Claim your grief as real.
Some people will not understand. That does not make your loss smaller. A great love is a great love, whatever shape it came in.
Be gentle with your body.
Grief lives in the body as much as the heart. Rest when you can, drink water, eat something, not to heal faster, but to be held through it.
There is no timeline on another animal.
Whether you cannot imagine it or already long for it, both are okay. Another animal is not a replacement, and there is no right time. Only yours.
A small guide, to keep
Ways to honour them
There is no right or wrong way to grieve your pet, these are simply gentle ideas, should you want them.
Download PDF
You may also wish to read
Where to turn
Pet loss support, many vets understand this grief well and can point you toward pet bereavement support; some offer it themselves. Your vet is a gentle place to ask.
Bereavement counselling, grief support is for anyone who has lost someone they loved, and that includes an animal. A counsellor who takes pet loss seriously can help you hold it.
If the days feel unbearable
If you are struggling to carry on, please reach out, you should not have to hold this alone.
SADAG (South African Depression and Anxiety Group): 0800 567 567
Lifeline South Africa: 0861 322 322